Clickitty clack, clickitty clack. I could here them walking in my footsteps. Knock, knock. I knew they were at my door. Badum, badum, my heart would beat, with every pulse to outrun them.
Sitting alone, in the deafening silence of existence that one lonely night, I felt I no longer could run. My body was tired. Fatigued, and drained by the constant impulse to stay one step ahead. My mind drunk with delusions of who, or what these things were.
My soul, finally surrendering to the futility of my resistance.
There in my room, I sat accepting what to me could only be described as fate.
The thumping, cracking, and creaking of the walls around me filled me with the illusions of my waking life, as I stared deep into my soul, staring back at me.
“I know you are there”, I croaked.
“You’ve always been there. What is it you want from me”?
I could feel the fingers in my mind, massaging my brain, sculpting my awareness into something entirely new. I could hear the hair growing on my skull, almost louder than my heartbeat.
Clickitty clack, the steps grew louder, and closer.
I knew this day would come.
Without a whisper, they reincarnated into the sentient bodies of light and hope around me. Swirling in the mists and echoes of my thoughts and memories.
“Is that you dad”?
The silence dissipated into the air, leaving the most unheard of feeling of understanding.
Felix, my furry friend, looked over at me, his ears pearked up, listening to the exact moment of clarity that had enveloped the room.
Then it came. Bursting through the door, flying up the stairway, over Felix and directly into my body.
This essence that could only be described as spirit entered my body, my mind, and grabbed hold of my soul.
As I felt my body surrender, my eyes to the ceiling, and mind pulsing with electricity, the spirit made rest within me.
The fusing of two spirits cultivating right then and there inside one body. I felt I could not control myself any longer. As uncertainty began to fill me up, I panicked.
“911, 911” is all I could think of.
I fell out of my chair, my heart pounding, mind racing, and body shaking.
“Is this a heart attack”? I wondered to myself.
No it wasn’t. When I finally pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed for help, an instantaneous sense of relief calmed over me.
The lady on the line answered “911, fire police, or paramedics”?
“Existential crisis” I blurted out, almost laughing. Drunk with delusion , I collected myself.
“Um, are you okay”, she asks.
“Are you hurt? Are you alone? Do you have any weapons on you”?
“Not that I’m aware of” I chuckled, trying to contain myself.
“Is this call for you, or someone else”? She wondered.
“For me, I am not sure what is going on with me” I replied, calmly.
I gave her my address and paramedics were dispatched.
I grabbed my coat, journal, and hat, where I began circling through my house until their arrival. Out the front door, around the side, through the back, lock it behind me, unlock it. Through the house, out the front, lock it behind me, around the side, through back, lock it behind me, unlock it, and so on.
I was trying to lose them. Stuck in a maze within my mind, the clickitty clack was still behind me.
Now, to this day, as I walk my ankle does click, my wrist does clack just as my father’s, and there are no longer footsteps behind me. My steps are louder, stronger, and surer than ever before.